When “I Don’t Know” Becomes the Conversation
The Senior VP sat across from me. It was our third coaching session in a series of six.
“I showed up because the session was scheduled. I didn’t want to miss it. But I honestly don’t know what I should discuss with you. I’m blank. I don’t seem to think around…”
It was not the first time I had heard something like this from a leader.
For high-performing professionals, being able to think, decide, solve and move forward is often part of their identity.
So when there is suddenly nothing to say, no clear problem to solve and no obvious thought to pursue, the silence can feel uncomfortable. There can be an almost invisible pressure to come up with something.
As a coach, this is where I don't feel the need to rush to fill that space. We slowed the conversation down and stayed with what she was experiencing- the sense of vacuum, the feeling of being blank, the discomfort of not knowing what to think about.
There was no attempt to immediately find a topic or manufacture an insight. Within minutes, she was able to put a finger on what was actually happening beneath that vacuum.
What initially appeared to be “nothing” had a lot going on underneath it.
This is what I value about coaching. It is not always about finding the right question or getting to an answer quickly. Sometimes, it is about creating enough safety for a leader to sit with not knowing without feeling judged, inadequate or pressured to perform.
When the space is held with curiosity and acceptance, what is beneath the surface can begin to emerge in its own time.
This feels particularly relevant in a world where AI can give us answers, possibilities and perspectives within seconds.
As access to information becomes easier, perhaps one of the human capabilities worth protecting is the ability to pause before reaching for an answer to reflect, to notice, to question and sometimes simply to stay with uncertainty.
Because leaders don't always need another answer. Sometimes they need the space to discover what the real question is.
And perhaps that is one of the quieter gifts of coaching: creating a space where a leader doesn't have to arrive with clarity. They can arrive exactly as they are, even with a blank mind and trust that something meaningful may emerge.
As a coach, creating that space is an integral part of my work with client leaders - a space where they don't have to arrive with all the answers, where they can pause, reflect and explore what is beneath the surface, without judgement or the pressure to immediately have it figured out.
Because sometimes, the most meaningful shift begins not with an answer, but with the permission to say:
“I don't know.”
And that's okay.
Sometimes, that is exactly where the conversation needs to begin.
The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. Carl Rogers
As an ICF PCC Leadership & Executive Coach with over 1500 hours of coaching experience, I support global leaders to navigate complex change, unlock clarity, and achieve lasting impact. If this blog sparked reflection, imagine what a conversation could do.
Mail to- pritigupta.coach@gmail.com
Comments